Warning: the following article contains strong language, read it it's funny
Ask any of my friends what's the one game that makes me nerd rage more than any other, one or two would say NFL Blitz 2000, but that's only when I don't cover the 30 point spread I give every loser I play, the real answer would be FIFA 11. Holy shit that was a long sentence and probably full or errors. Anyways Let me make this clear, I love FIFA 11, it is the best football/soccer video game currently available; PES has too few licenced teams to be taken into consideration and most other games are crap. But almost every time I play on xbl the friends headsets are filled by my yelling how utterly bullshit the game can be.
Lets get the good things about online out of the way first. You can always find game with a generally good connection. The pro club mode fun and is a great way to play FIFA with your friends even if they aren't very good....Avante. At it's best FIFA is best enjoyed with your friends. I can get my ass kicked by Bad Habit five games in a row and still have fun, well I rage a little bit. Nothing beats the thrill of winning a game on FIFA for me and that's what gets me going back again and again. It's weird I could win 20 games of MLG on Halo Reach, and still feel that my most recent victory on FIFA was better, which was a 3-2 win with Bayern Munich over AC Milan with Gomez scoring a hat trick. It's sad that I can even remember it that well, but to put it simply winning feels awesome on FIFA. The feeling that your team and tactics overcame anther's. But what happens when your plans don't work out?
If I could sum up all my frustrations about FIFA with one team it would be without question Real Madrid, or as I commonly refer to them, Real Mafuckindrid. I must have lost the more matches online to Real Mafuckindrid than any other. To understand my frustration one must come to grips with the horrible ranking system. I usually choose a team in the 41/2 stars range such as Totenham or Bayern, although the argument could be made that Bayern should be a five star team. Real is a five star team, but should be higher because of FIFA's overrated stats. Where to begin? Speed for one thing is ridiculous, RM can run laps around people with just about anyone on their team. If you have speed you will win, a fatal flaw in the FIFA system. I lose countless matches because my defenders just aren't fast enough. Manchester United (GGMU!!! CHAMP19NS, I had to do it) are victims of lack of speed on Defense. Vidic and Rio cannot keep up to save their lives, and long passes rip me apart every time. Positioning stats mean nothing if they get beat every time by some idiot online who can give the ball to Rofuckinaldo and have him rip apart my defense and have no strategy what so ever. And then they have the balls to do the fuckin stupid ass celebrations with Rofuckinaldo, cause it's so hard to score a goal with Ronaldo. Really just give the fucker the ball anywhere near the top of the box and do a finesse shot and I will be nerd raging because the ball is in the back of the net. I also hate the keeper and defense AI. Ever so often the keeper will completely fuck up on a free kick from a ridiculously far distance, he'll dive like the ball is over him while it bounces under him or even the different direction. The defenders are pussies, attackers can just glide off them at times when the defenders should be much stronger; somehow Messi or even worse Tevez can just shrug off Rio Ferdinand or whoever like they're a Japanese schoolgirl. Small players have a knack for stealing the ball when ever they challenge someone, even Paul Scholes, who is bad at defense can steal the ball with ease with a crystal clear tackle.
I'll end with a word of advice... don't be a dick online. That means no picking overpowered teams like RM or Barca unless the other player is also a dick and picks RM or Barca. Don't pick international teams, why not just play FIFA World Cup. If you have the lead don't sit on the ball and not let your opponent have a chance. Don't give your vitual pro a blue afro. And most of all don't think your a FIFA god when all you can do is dance around with Ronaldo and score a finesse shot from the top of the box, while my poor Totenham defense is wondering when is fucking game will end as you cartwheel and ass-shake around them.
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